It's All Good.

Cardiac dysfunction spent years trying to steal my joy, and I let it... for a while.

It mentally and physically drained me to the point that I was ready to quietly fade away as my heart took longer pauses and more frequent rhythmic detours. I was deeply cold, physically exhausted and unable to keep food down for longer than made sense - but strangely enough I wasn't scared. I said my prayers with my family and accepted the simple truth that life is hard.

Giving up seemed so easy.

All I had to do was say no to my cardiologist that morning when he said “I don’t think we should wait any longer, I can do the procedure right now”. 

I could’ve declined surgery - skipped this whole adjusting to life with a pacemaker thing. 

I could’ve skipped figuring out how to get back to  practicing dentistry while distancing myself from magnetic fields and certain electronics. 

I could’ve skipped figuring out how to sleep with a battery incased in titanium  incased in scar tissue under my collarbone (still working on that one). 

I could’ve skipped learning about electrophysiologists, cardiac rehab regimens and the cardiac blues. 

I could’ve skipped learning how to bounce back from burnout.

I definitely could’ve skipped trying to justify why - as was so eloquently put by a stranger - if God loved me so much, wouldn’t he simply not give me chronic heart disease?

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Among many lessons, I’ve learned that creativity is healing, discipline is comforting, and forgiveness can be a daily ritual. I've learned I've been given the test because I'm prepared for the assignment.

Above all I learned God’s love for us requires no justification. 

Well… spoiler alert I said yes to my doctor and yes to recovery. I opted in to the life, body and condition I was gifted.

The alternative would’ve been a lot less work, but what would I have learned from opting out? I’ve never been the type to say no to a challenge. 

"His power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12:9

My physical heart’s need for connection to a power source is a not-so-subtle metaphor for my spiritual heart’s need for constant connection to the source of life. The pain and scarring is a beautiful daily reminder of what is true and pure; all the things God has done and continues to do in my life. 

The beginning of many follow ups.

True joy is a deep knowing that external validation can be a strong delusion.

We are more than our bodies and our thoughts.

We are definitely way more than the thoughts other people may want us to accept as our own.

Every single day we can choose the things that are good for us, even when those things don’t align with ease - as long as they align with purpose. 

My purpose? To embody love, in any and every circumstance, and communicate how that translates to loving, sustainable choices for our bodies and minds on the daily. 

Let’s free ourselves of the burden of a false narrative that everything should be easy. We get to choose life without limitations, embracing challenges and understanding there’s joy in everything, especially difficulty.

So, whether things seem easy or hard at any given moment, when I say “It’s all good”, I mean it… with all my heart. 

XOXO,